End of Year (and New Year) Reflections

2021 started off hard for me. Early in the year, I started really contemplating my career, thinking hard and long about the things I valued and whether I was on a path where I could achieve those things. It struck me that I wasn’t. And I decided to make yet another change. I felt defeated — tired, mostly. I made so many lists. “What I want in a job”, “What I want in a company”, “Skills I want to develop”, “Job titles that excite me”… It was a lot, especially on top of the pandemic.

I remember how slow those first few months passed by. I had a really hard time finding joy. I fell into a really unsettling emotional place. Every day I woke up and wanted to go right back to bed. Thankfully, I had (and still have!) a strong support system. Great friends. A loving partner. An oh-so patient and caring therapist. By springtime, I made the leap and left my job. And that’s when things started to feel hopeful.

I took a month hiatus from the “real world”. I spent my days painting, going to the beach, cooking my favorite foods, indulging in sappy romance novels. Vaccines just became available. I finally got to hug my friends and family. I slept in and tried to regain all the rest that I lost during that long period of restlessness.

While taking a month off sounds dreamy on paper, it was really hard to admit that I needed this. I think we all assume once we enter our adult lives, things keep moving and we are able to keep pace. But that’s not always true. Things get hard. And it’s really up to us to decide when something needs to shift or we need a break. No one else is going to make that decision for you.

I found myself starting my new job feeling energized and excited — a new feeling for me. It was refreshing. And now, while my job is part of my world, it’s not my world. I’m in an environment where I’m encouraged to set boundaries, so I do — often and regularly. And that doesn’t mean that I’m “taking it easy”. In fact, I feel like this is the hardest I’ve worked in a long time. But, it’s coming from a place of personal motivation instead of unwanted obligation.

There were some other big moments from 2021. I started to get back into yoga. I moved into a new apartment. I contributed to my blog. I hosted my first Thanksgiving (big adult moment!). I made new friends and reconnected with old ones. I built new skills and expanded my professional network. I maintained a regular skincare routine.

My boyfriend and I spent a couple days during the last week of the year in the Berkshires where we visited Mass MoCA. The museum itself is in a restored mill — meaning tons of exposed brick, charming arched windows, and original ceiling beams. I could have just started at the blank walls and been perfectly happy. It honestly sparked something in me that I haven’t felt since I took an interior design course about two years ago… which was refreshing and nostalgic at the same time. It’s also inspired me to reconnect with my creative side more in 2022.

Now that I’m back to work, it’s definitely been tricky to snap into a groove. Regardless, this year, I’m trying to take the pressure off myself to feel like I need to be somewhere I’m not (physically, mentally and emotionally). If last year taught me anything, it’s that we need to listen to our intuition when it speaks to us, and we need to be our own advocates. So, I’m ok starting this year more softly. It already feels like a more freeing way to approach 2022.

Xx

Grace

— Some of my favorite memories from my month off —